Marred Bliss

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Marred Bliss 


Photo by Jun Perez on Pinterest


 Light and shadow. Master of the art,you know how to play this game .Toss a coin, no head or tail. It balanced on its edge swirling in endless circles. It’s not a win. You are just good with schemes.

The sky lights up. The world is grey .It’s going to rain tonight. The sky is on fire .The lake has hushed her song. Hear the thunder? You look up and sigh. Sometimes, the world is sad too.

 Birds fold their wings in silent muse,
Omnipotent orb takes its last sip from the lake's silver fuse,
Trees adapt and bend, drink from the wind's wrath,
Nature dwindling, fading lush and hues of grey....

You stick out your tongue and taste the first raindrops. You said when you were younger, you bathed in its waters. That you stood under the gutter and shivered .The rain water stung your skin as she, the other mum that life offered you scrubbed your face with soap and stone while your step brothers and sisters rolled on their beds in hysterics.

You cried. You were only five. She watched from above, you said, mama’s an angel in the clouds.

The world is thrown into shadow.  The downpour is getting steady.
Albert, you said when we're older you'll build us a house on the East next to the ocean and have me paint its walls blue,
“You'll wake up to the lashing and lapping of waves and be lulled to sleep by its hush and the setting sun, my love”. You said.
I chuckle. Flashing memory of words wet with music. We’re getting drenched.

You said you will place little violins in every room and teach our first baby how to strum the guitar .That we'll walk on paths filled with song and enchant the woods with our endless love rhythm.

Once! Twice! Thrice! …then a long urgent peal of the East Wall church bell. My mind is here. In the present. In the ‘us’ that we’re building. My heart is elsewhere. Absent since the very first day. My heart belongs to another. Smitten by a Northern poet. His name….his name is Jalil. He called  me habibi  and his sister Lulu is a dancer on tiptoe with a heart as light as a feather.

I trace my lips for a familiar touch,
 Where he placed tender roses, dew and sunshine,
A tingling that haunted me in the dark billows of night, chased me across dreams and left me basking at the glories of Moon River.....


We've had our moments.Albert Tandi,More than once we've exchanged goodbyes but we're still here.Living.Hoping .Dreaming.You opened a door long shut in my  being and now  so much  cold air rushes in,awakening me from a daze:Jalil;who left without a goodbye.

 “Albert, What if all we have are empty blues? What if our days are hollow? What happens when our sun retreats its shine . So many lovers got lost on this loving road. I get scared sometimes.”

Hurry! This once, I let you hold my hand. We will make it to the West before dusk and find a place we can call our own.

“Ruhamah, look at me.Please.We’ll find our own path. We’ll create our own tale. We don’t choose what happens to us but we sure won’t get lost on this loving road .Even though sometimes when I gaze into your eyes, I drown in an empty sea, unfathomable. Are you here? Is this what you want? Ruhama does it hurt to love me too?”You ask

Listen to the lake, listen to the somber song it sings,
Blackbird in a lethal urge, hastes  it's lost hatchlings to seek,
Darkness enshrouds, tormenting swirls of black and mist....


I don't move. . You stand in front of me.I won’t look at you, into your eyes. I stare at your feet instead. Your white canvas shoes are brown with mud. Rain water flows from my hair into my eyes. I blink. You lift my chin. Our eyes lock. I’ve seen this look before. The hurt in your eyes Albert.
Let’s take shelter over there.  This rain won’t stop.
 Long cold rain. Long cold day. Two souls ,different worlds.Woozy realms.The pain of belonging.

 “I want to marry you Ruhamah, will you let go of him?Will you give me a chance?We've been here long enough,haven't we?I want to be the only man you love Ruhamah".
I sigh.I feel the pain in your voice and I'm sorry for all the times i let your heart slip through my fingers and break into a thousand prisms.
I should marry Jalil, but he’s lying on his death bed, body frail and ravaged by leukemia and I’m pregnant for you Albert.I’m stuck with you after just six  months of nursing each other’s wounds.

Black sea, drink my tears,
Black sea, drown my pain,
Lay me bare on a rocky cliff,
Exposed for prowlers and bloody hunts,
The night winds caresses my skin, icy sparks numbing me to the core, helpless
Drowsy, dawn will creep
A lifeless frame, the sun will rise in ,my heart.

Let's go home Albert.We should talk
            

  Lyanah





Comments

  1. John Monyjok MaluthApril 17, 2020 at 11:50 PM

    Great piece, just do something on the punctuation marks and it'll be a bliss!

    ReplyDelete
  2. lyanahApril 18, 2020 at 6:22 AM

    Thanks for stopping by.I'll work on that

    ReplyDelete

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